But either ways, I was really glad when Kushina said that she had some sort of special chakra. It sort of ties in to what I was making my story's Uzumaki clan- the fact that their chakra can become physical weapons (like I wrote in Ch. 2). So that really helped me get some writing done for chapter 9!
So what does my story's version of the Uzumaki clan have so far?
- Well just for clarification let me name a few members I've created to join both worlds
- Akira Uzumaki- The clan head who managed to open a portal thing to Harry's world. He's currently a ghost stuck haunting the ruins of the former Whirlpool village. Eldest brother to Orihime and Yuriko.
- Orihime Uzumaki Evans- Harry's grandmother. Younger sister to Akira and older sister to Yuriko. Returned to Whirlpool with her husband after giving birth to Lily. Unknown what has happened to her!
- Yuriko Uzumaki- Youngest sibling to Akira and Orihime. Unknown what has happened to her!
- They were the main clan of Whirlpool village- based on the similarities of names. But the village definitely had other people there. Akira is only identified as clan head not village leader.
- The clan didn't have trained fighter that could stand up against shinobi. At least during Akira's time! They were more of healers and pacifists.
- Uzumaki facial characteristics- A round face, fiery red hair and blue-purple eyes. Unfortunately they've not been passed down to the current generation.
Well that's all I can write without giving away things. But I'll definitely add more things as I finalize the next chapter.
Will there be other Uzumaki people who are alive? Oh I definitely want some people. Are there any canon redheads? *smirk* Just think of the crazy/unbelievable possibilities. Ohh those are just plot bunnies waiting to be written- even if I don't use them for AtO.
Polar
P.S. As for chapter 9- I'm getting there. Don't worry, I'll have the chapter up sometime during this month.
I confess I am a bit worried there will be OCs from the Uzumaki clan popping up and becoming major characters. I suppose I shall simply have to trust that you know what you are doing with your story ;)
ReplyDeleteI really do appreciate your fanfic, but I must point out that you might want to take greater care to follow this (as stated under 'Grammar stuff' in your second post):
Capitalize the first word of a quoted sentence.
Examples: He said, "Treat her as you would your own daughter."
At times you tend to forget to capitalize, and while it's not much of a disturbance to the story as such, it does throw the flow a bit.
A few examples in chapter eight:
Isshin's eye twitched, "you heard them, right?"
"Oh, Harii, you're so naïve," Isshin said and grinned at both men, "when people say partners …"
Kotetsu tilted his head and squinted at Harry, "you don't look like a craftsman!"
I was unsure if you'd take offence at my pointing this out, but I figured it would be all the more rude not to speak up.
I'm happy to hear that chapter 9 will be out within the month. I have been waiting most anxiously :)
@MadHatter21- Lol, OCs will never have a major role in the story. If they ever pop up they're just there to fill in the gaps and make things move 'smoothly'. Kind of like Akira- I don't consider him a major OC! For right now I'm just going to stick with bringing the exiting canon characters to life. *cough* Naras *cough*
ReplyDeleteAhh, capitalization- my bitter enemy! No matter how many times I try to fix it, I always overlook it. Sad part is when I write with a pen I'm fine, but when I type on the computer suddenly I seem to fail at it.
Why would I take offense? I'd never notice things like that if people never told me. So thanks for taking the time to point it out to me. I'll definitely try to be more conscious about it in the future.
Ah, more on the Naras! I do like that. They are rarely allowed much screen time in crossovers, so I'm excited that we'll get to see more of them in the future.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the way you had Shikamaru be surprised at how long (and at least acceptably well, I presume) Harry could play a game he'd never tried before in his life. (Even if harry 'cheated' a bit, what with him having played chess. The unintentional sneakyness on his part almost made it more enjoyable.)
Well, with a pen one can usually feel more of how the writing flows, since it requires more focus to write manually. I know I tend to become a bit sloppy when I use the computer to write any longer texts myself.
I'm glad you didn't take offence and that you're willing to accept suggestions if you think it'll help you improve. A sign of a good author, that is ;)