Let me start by saying, I don't actually know what a life coach does or how they go about doing their job.
I have a general and very basic idea and that's what I'm basing this bit of crack on.
Warnings: Plotholes. Not part of AtO obviously.
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"What's a life coach?" The gate guard, Kotetsu, asked looking genuinely puzzled at the job title on Harry's papers.
Glad that no one had heard of the job, Harry created his own description of the job title hoping it sounded feasible. "I help people achieve their goals by motivating them."
"What goals?" Izumo, the other guard asked as he stamped some documents.
"Life goals. Things like succeeding in work, family and other life things."
"Strange," Kotetsu said. "Who would need that kind of help?"
Harry shrugged, feeling strangely defensive of the job title even though he wasn't really a life coach. "Some people need someone who's willing to listen and help them solve their problems. With enough motivation and support, people can achieve anything."
"Sounds like something that civilians would be interested in," Izumo said thoughtfully.
Harry hoped no one would be interested in his fake job. That way he'd be free to search for the Uzumaki stationed in Konoha. But true to Izumo's words, Harry's first customer was an unsure civilian.
"You're younger than I thought you'd be," the man blurted as a greeting.
Having expected that reaction, Harry had just shrugged and offered the man some tea. By the end of the hour, the man revealed his problem.
"So, you want to set up your own tailoring business but you're scared because you have no idea where to begin?" Harry summed up, trying not to panic at the enormity of his first job. Deciding to take his cue from Hermione, Harry said, "I think we should start with the obvious questions first..."
Two months later, Harry stood in the Hokage's office feeling increasingly nervous as the blonde woman in front of him looked through a stack of papers.
"Yamada's tailoring shop has become quite the success," The Hokage said, breaking the thick silence.
Harry nodded. "He's got a good eye for detail so his works really stands out. It's no wonder he's doing so well."
"The amount of success he's had so soon after setting up is unprecedented."
"He's a hard worker," Harry said.
"Tachibana's forge has also seen a surge of new business now that they sell metal sculptures."
"She's been wanting to so art for a long time. Long before she inherited the forge from her father," Harry said. "She's got a real talent for sculpting."
"In the short time that you've been here," the Hokage said, "you've helped a civilian start a successful business and helped another two failing businesses recover from a devastating slump. And you've also helped a hopeless bachelor get fit and married."
"I didn't do much. They just needed a push to do what they were meant to do."
The blonde stared at him. "You've made people productive by bringing out their potential."
"That's not..." Harry said, concerned at the direction the conversation.
She cut him off. "I have a job for you. I want you to bring back someone's potential. A potential that he's wasting away."
"You can't make me someone's life coach."
"I'm the Hokage and I control the residency status of everyone in the village."
Undeterred, Harry said, "Look, the only reason I succeeded with the people that I helped so far is because they wanted to change."
"Then it's time you leaned a new skill. Learn to make people change even if they don't want to."
Harry opened his mouth to protest but a window opened and man zoomed into the office with a careless ease.
"Hokage-sama, you called for me?" The grey-haired intruder said.
"I called for you three hours ago." The blonde's hazel eyes blazed with a potent rage. She took a deep breath and said, "But I suppose this works out. Kakashi, I've tolerated your bullshit over the years because I thought there was no way to change your behaviour."
The man seemed to tense with each word.
Unconcerned the Hokage continued. "But I've finally found what you need. Kakashi, meet your new life coach."
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In this divergence, Harry hasn't met the Naras (hasn't had reason to). And he's been so busy with his work that he hasn't even met Naruto. And other than Izumo and Kotetsu, Harry hasn't met/spent time with any other ninja.
I'm going to try and expand this strange story idea mostly because I want to get a feel for writing Kakashi.
Let's see how things go.
Polar
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